things come around
was going to write earlier but im glad i waited, because im feeling a little better now?
forgot yesterday, i was just too overwhelmed.
saw family a bit, then went to a show. both felt distant, especially at the show when i didnt know many people and felt a lot of pressure to buy a drink of some sort when i'm low on cash. and anyway the transaction makes me nervous i can't hear well in bars. the performers were awesome though.
i know i need to go to more stuff thats my speed, more companies who i know people in. i think since i got home from illinois i have been craving that feeling of belonging again. the post con depression. this weekend has been worse though, and i feel overbooked. plus, my partner's schedule has been opposite a lot, we've had limited time to just chill.
been getting into coding again more! little things. making more shrines. double edged sword of course, fixating on coding usually leads to ignoring other stuff or just feeling anxious anytime I can't work on it.
i just got home from open mic again. got a ride! yay. on the way back near my place there was a semi stuck across all five lanes. just stuck, horizontally. how did they do that. we managed to turn in time to not join the lines of people waiting.
open mic was lovely too, even if was sad that i had friends who couldnt make it. lovely hearing people's vulnerable expressions. one of my friends talked about taking life less seriously. trying to.
I sang a bit of Dead Outlaw
If this is the end
I only wanted to be comfortable
And far away from laughter and tears
Leave me where I lay
I think it's time to leave the carnival
And all the years of laughter and tears
Above the rafters is open sky
Tear up the floor, on golden shore as I arrive
So leave me be
Then bury me
Is it time to go?
A distant whistle, and it's calling me
Far away from laughter and tears