music festivals & puppets
i feel like i cant trust myself
i did something to a friend that was in good intentions, but looking back could have really really hurt them and ended badly. i dont trust myself around them anymore. i cant even talk about it.
i am less sick now so that frustration is finally letting up. i went to a music festival this weekend but only for the day, i got a ride there and back each day. but i still had a lot of fun despite the sick and the tired. it was really nice to spend time with the group while not actively focused on a show. i love feeling like i belong, they're all interesting people who are very welcoming, but also just rough enough around the edges that i myself done feel so boxed in and pressured to be something im not. well, not as much at least lol. and its nice to have an artistic group who genuinely want community, not just collaborators, and know that improves both the art and the process for everyone. they meet every saturday too to talk business. ive spent four years on my own in town and i feel like the whole time i have been striving for any sense of consistent community and artistic collaborators.
also does not help that the people in the apartment next to us keep fighting at ridiculous hours. its the fourth time and im starting to be worried for their safety more than my sleep. i hate feeling like a snitch but i should probably reach out to the building manager.
im kind of back in my rag dolly fixation. i wrote a long thing about why the show shouldn't be on broadway and never should have. including several quotes and references. but i think the only way anyone is going to see it is if i film for social media. i just have so many damn thoughts about this show and i struggle to put them into a medium that gets them across smoothly and people will actually pay attention to. i would do longform videos if i knew anyone who would edit.
i finally have some shows on my list to see this weekend. two in one weekend when im already kinda tired feels like a lot, but one is a backyard puppet show and the other is a Micheal Curry puppet show so you know i have to go to both.
i feel like i have been more lost in my own mind and my own stories as of late, i have tried to write a little more but nothing comes together quite as i want it too.